ACResolution Magazine

are the real process. That makes it especially important for conflict specialists to normalize, embrace, and use technology-facilitated communication as a tool for positive conflict engagement in these ongoing parenting disputes.

Bernard Mayer discusses the importance of identifying effective communication avenues and “finding the right fit” for conflict specialists engaging in enduring conflicts. He outlines criteria for identifying effective communication avenues including safety, durability, predictability, mutuality, efficiency, timeliness, depth, flexibility, accessibility, and cultural appropriateness.

Many experienced PCs seem to have reached the conclusion that technology-facilitated communication fulfills Mayer’s criteria. The research evidence summarized in Table 2 suggests that email and telephone are the primary means by which PCs maintain contact with their clients. Almost all PCs report using email at least weekly, and most PCs speak to their clients on the telephone at least sometimes/weekly. Few PCs reported using on-line calendars or formal websites and none of the PCs surveyed used IM or Twitter.

PCs also reported that email was an effective (57%) and efficient (75%) method of communicating with their clients. In contrast, 18% of PCs identified the telephone as effective and 75% reported the telephone as efficient. Only 6% of PCs reported that face-to-face meetings were most effective and none reported that they were efficient.

Practice Tips for Using Technology

In mediation, when we encounter high levels of conflict we try to work through it to get a significant, substantial agreement. Over the years, scholars and professionals have developed a toolkit to assist this process. In parenting coordination, the time frame is much longer, the outcome less straightforward, and the toolkit less well developed.

Here are some suggestions from my practice and research that I have found to be helpful.

1. “Let them leave voicemail.” Letting clients leave a voicemail
makes them pause to think about the issue and allows them to
decide if it is really important enough to leave a message. If it is
and they do, then it allows you some time to think about strategies
for how best to address the issue and prepare yourself for handling
it most effectively. “Let them leave voicemail” works best if you
let the clients know that this is your policy so they are neither
surprised nor frustrated that you do not answer the phone when
they call, and if you respond promptly to a client’s voicemails.

2. Consider an email plan or form. I ask clients to copy me on all email communications, at least initially, to understand what and how they communicate with each other. Providing written structure or guidelines for email communication can often dramatically improve the quality of written communication for parents.

For example, after being copied on 87 email exchanges within a 6–day period, I suggested an “email diet.” Each parent was allowed one email a day to the other parent; all questions asked by the parent in the previous email must be answered succinctly; any questions must be asked succinctly; all emails would be civil, with no “editorializing,” judging, or sidebar comments about the other parent’s activities. For the first few days, I asked them to send the email to me first to allow me to edit it, make suggestions, and approve it before it was sent to the other parent. After only a few days, their emails required few edits or suggestions. Within two weeks, they were so accustomed to this process that when I took them off their “diet” the original email avalanche never reappeared. Basically, if parents are going to communicate primarily in writing, then it is our responsibility to help them improve their writing and this is one way to do it. Having forms or plans for emails will reduce the likelihood of email overload or critical pieces of information being lost in chapter-length messages.

3. Occasionally summarize the on-going technology facilitated dialogue. Most PCs are good about offering written summaries of major points covered during face-to-face meetings, but not every email, voicemail, or text conversation requires a written summary. What should trigger a summary will vary case by case; it may be a decision that has been made or an issue that requires additional engagement with other professionals, or it could be as simple as a monthly report.

This strategy also helps PCs keep track of their time, for both accountability and billing purposes. Most PCs report that they do not fully keep track of billable hours associated with reading and responding to emails, listening to voicemails, and other non-face-to-face time spent on cases. There are a range of computer programs and smartphone apps that conflict specialists can use to help them track and record this time and even use them to generate reports.

4. Always keep it professional. You should always model appropriate behavior for your clients in your own technology-facilitated communication. Make sure you read up on writing effective emails, mind your e-manners, and use a polite professional tone in telephone conversations. Although it sounds like common sense, many of us need to be reminded to resist the urge to be curt or sarcastic with clients verbally or in writing. The long-term engagement with these often-difficult personalities over what can appear to us as relatively insignificant and recurrent issues can create a sense of familiarity that is useful for rapport and trust, but that can cause even the most professional practitioner to drop his or her guard. Just as parents can use technology to inflame each other, PCs can find themselves tempted into the same traps.

Table 2: Parenting Coordinators Methods of Communication
with Their Clients (N = 51)

Method of
Communication Never Rarely
Sometimes/
Weekly
Routinely/
Daily
Telephone — 12 (24%) 27 (53%) 10 (20%)

Email 1 (2%) 2 (4%) 13 (27%) 32 (63%)

Text Messaging 41 (80%) 6 (12%) 1 (2%) 0 (0%)

On-line Calendars 20 (43%) 12 (26%) 13 (25%) 2 (4%)

Formal Websites, e.g. 23 (48%) 13 (25%) 10 (20%) 2 (4%)

Instant Messenger 48 (94%) — — —

Twitter 47 (92%) — — —

Other 3 (6%) — 4 (8%) —

Source: Hayes, S., Grady, M., & Brantley, H. (2012). Emails, statutes, and personality disorders: A contextual examination of the processes, interventions, and perspectives of parenting coordinators.